you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think a kid would responsible me up
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
