I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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