You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
