So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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