new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize