I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
