If that was your dad, he is hot
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
