Just fell off a train. Bad.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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