I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
