What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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