it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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