Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
