He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
