I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize