Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize