if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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