Barsexuality is the new black.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
