Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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