Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
