The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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