The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
