Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
