all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
