I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
