Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
