Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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