I got chris browned last night
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
