How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
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