I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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