I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
