I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
vagina is talking i cant
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
