Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
