Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
