I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
