we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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