I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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