Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
