I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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