Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
