The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
