I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
