yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
