I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
