i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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