Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
