There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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