I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
