I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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