I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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