Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
