i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
