u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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