afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
