So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
