Cold hands, warm shart.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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