I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
two words: eviction party
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
