we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
