My balls are so social today.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
