but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
