I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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