Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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