Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
