How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Last time i carry you out of a forest
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
