if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
