party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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