I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
