His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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